If you're seeing this then your browser may not support basic web standards, however you may still browse and view the content here, sans design. If possible, upgrading your browser to a newer version can resolve this. More information is here.
Since 1996 - Last Updated Thu, 5/24/07 11:32 PM
The author and protagonist

You are viewing: home / about / history.

The Definitive History of Evil Ugly Peacock

Significantly rewritten over and over since 1996.

Warning: includes geeky computer terminology and gratuitous use of the English language.

December 30, 1973:

[Knoxville, TN] Evil Peacock is finally released from a rigorous nine month beta test and is unleashed on the world. Mom and dad, the development team, are relieved that their second release is finally done and moderately bug-free.

1979:

Completely unaware that Disco exists, Evil begins developing his gestalt. A few occasional crashes slow debugging, but overall he seems to be functioning well.

1980-1987:

Evil gets into personal computers, starting with an Atari 800XL. His friends with Commodore 64s laugh. Evil makes lots of little animated movies, sound effects, and draws with his drawing tablet. He also dabbles with programming using BASIC trying to write games and pointless software such as "The Atari Self-Destruct Program".

This crappy little program featured a nice big graphical countdown and then the use of low-level PEEK and POKE commands to lock the CPU into an infinite loop that couldn't be broken without physically cycling the power (normally you could reset the machine via the keyboard).

Later he ported this to the Apple II as his project for 7th grade computer class. His teacher wasn't amused by the virus-like ability of the program to save itself under a new name and then delete itself. Despite all of this, Evil never become an l33t hacker.

1988:

Evil Peacock falls in love for the first time. No, really! This takes about a year to settle in and debug. Unfortunately Evil has a lot to learn and never quite gets the whole love thing right and falls flat on his face after a very long and emotional struggle with himself. Major lesson learned.

For the record Evil has only the highest respect for the woman involved (wherever she may be). Meanwhile, Evil's gestalt finishes the last major add-ons as part of the ongoing Puberty 1.0 upgrade plan.

Fall 1991:

Evil somehow gets an overpriced Macintosh Classic and begins composing music with it and two tape decks. His friends with Commodore Amigas laugh.

With this new tool Evil cranks out tons of low fidelity semi-melodic industrial noise. Occasionally he pulls off some electronic dance music as well. He puts this work on cassettes and distributes them among a few friends. It sounds awful.

Spring 1992:

Evil completes public assimilation at Bearden High School and prepares to get as far away from high school as possible.

High school really sucked.

After graduation all links to his previous API are erased and a new improved OS kernel is instated for the upcoming college development schedule.

Otto-Mobile

Above: The last portrait of Otto-Mobile, Evils' cat until the summer of '92. When Evil relocated to Washington state to attend college he had to leave this poor fellow behind. Not more than a year later Otto-Mobile would disappear without a trace.

Fall 1992:

[Olympia, Washington] Evil begins work on his new intellect update at The Evergreen State College. Within days his new OS begins networking with other units and positive changes begin to take place. The whole process taxes his hardware and software but after the first year Evil emerges completely changed for the better. Major floodgates are opened and lots of stuff oozes through.

Fall 1993:

Evil somehow gets an overpriced Mac LC475 at student discount prices with help from dad. His friends with real Macs laugh. Evil continues composing wierd electronic music, this time with the Mac's primitive on-board digital audio and a 4-track. Noise gives way to organic sounds inspired by world music as Evil does an upper level program in Ethnomusicology.

Spring 1994:

Evil takes a job with the Housing Custodial/Maintenance Department at Evergreen working on weekends for extra cash. He is supervised by a curious individual known as Jumpsuit Boy. Jumpsuit Boy trains Evil to do such vigorously fascinating things as unclogging blocked toilets, repairing/replacing faucets, and just about everything janitorial.

As far as Evil knows, Jumpsuit Boy is still working somewhere on the Evergreen campus despite graduating many years ago.

Fall 1994:

Evil does 23 credits of work by auditing classes in addition to studying music and dance. At Evergreen the maximum credits per quarter is 16. This wears him down and he wishes he could just move on to the real working world and simply just live his life. Nevertheless he stays at it.

As a distraction Evil purchases more audio gear and gets more into MIDI and digital audio multi-tracking. More art is made.

Fall 1995:

Thanks to years of saving every damn penny he could Evil gets a phat new "high-end" Power Mac 8500. His Mac-savvy friends follow him home and attempt to ambush him and steal it. Over the next year Evil hot-rods the thing and works on digital video as well as audio. This will eventually culminate in his very undgrad-esque group multimedia thesis, Anahata.

Meanwhile, at his job Evil now works with Jumpsuit Boy instead of under him as the "Linen Lead" for the whole of Housing. Basically that means that Evil and a motley band of raggedy undergraduates manage the gathering and cleaning of 700+ bed sets for foreign English studying students and summer conference guests.

Evil was promoted to this role because he was known for being thorough or "anal". The job is painful with long hours and almost no days off in the summer, but like parents always say, it builds character.

Spring 1996:

The final year of working on the 2.0 Evil OS update under the rigid foundation of the College API brings good times, love, hard work, and a break from previous years of torture. Evil completes development within the four year schedule.

He receives his Golden Master CD-ROM on June 14 after which he works all summer trying to stash as much cash as possible for the long hard job hunt ahead.

Summer/Fall 1996:

After staying to work post graduation, Evil completes his job with the Housing Linen Development Team, leaving the Linen 2.5 kernel complete and totally written in native microprocessor assembly.

The following winter he briefly returns on commission to fix bugs and train a replacement. At Housing everyone goes back at least once after they leave... Then, for the last time, he finally bids farewell to coworkers Jumpsuit Boy, Rasta Hacker, Polyester Woman, and his main development supervisor, P.U.T.Z.

Spring 1997:

In an effort to establish a higher consciousness, Evil agrees to move into a large eclectic house with The Prophet Elias, Rasta Hacker, and a crazy old coot called Vern Peanut.

Despite Vern's constant retching, Rasta Hacker's caffeine and beer injections and The Prophet Elias's vodka baths, Evil survives. The boys appropriately christen the house "Chez Kludge" and spend many a long night eating, drinking, watching movies or abusing a Playstation modified to play import games.

During this time Evil does occasional freelance work and focuses on making more music (The Forbidden Antithesis of Rock is released).

Tuesday, March 25, 1997:

While gorging himself with handfuls of chocolate chip cookies, Evil stays up late writing the first version of this definitive chronological history. The author knows it's not likely anyone is going to care to read it. [However it's been rewritten countless times since. -ed.]

Sunday, May 2nd, 1998:

[Seattle, Washington] After some mental strife from lack of real available jobs Evil Peacock relocates to the nearest substantial city where he begins freelancing through several temp agencies. His inherited automobile, the "Wonder Wagon" survives the short repetitive moving trips but is left reeling by the onslaught of Seattle traffic conditions.

September 22, 1998:

After a lot of temping and running around, Evil Peacock accepts a job at Weber Marketing Group as a graphic designer. That title holds little water as it's not long before he's more of the multimedia guy as well as the network admin and web monkey.

Even groovier is the fact that he won't waste any more time in traffic as work is now two miles away.

July 11, 1999:

The Wonder Wagon (aka "Bessie", "that damn car", "old woody") is clearly on it's last legs. Fortunately Evil has planned ahead financially and trades her in for a brand spanking new '99 Honda Civic HX. This doesn't help the lack of enthusiasm for dealing with Seattle traffic, but driving is a lot more fun and trouble free.

For the record Evil did not name this car "Bessie". His late grandfather referred to the car in this way. Bessie earned the respect of each family member that was worthy of driving her and on one occasion got Evil to and from the airport in heavy snow and ice.

Bessie: The final tribute

Unfortunately Evil's new Honda doesn't have wood trim. So attracting the attention of the opposite sex is much more difficult.

October 31, 1999:

Evil continues to compose and record music and release CDs in his "spare time".

For Halloween '99 Evil releases his 5th CD, which is part of a great massive purging of old and unfinished music that keeps one awake at night wondering if it's worthy or not. Peripheral to this, Eric once again starts buying audio gear with a brand new sampler.

January 31, 2000:

Evil releases his 6th CD and decides to take a break from music. So he backs off and revels in his newly purchased DVD technology by collecting and watching *tons* of movies.

Along with all of this the whole Y2K thing hits like a bomb. Panic ensues and lots of old mainframes are given dirty looks. Fortunately Evil is Y2K compliant.

August, 2000:

After almost 6 years Evil purchases yet another new top of the line Mac to add to his pile 'o tech. More art is made.

In all of this time the changes to his gestalt have been all over the map and difficult to document. Much has changed and continues to do so. And like any software there are always bugs to fix. Evil is definitely getting older, but no sign of (heavy) baldness yet!

September 20, 2000:

Evil hits his two year anniversary at Weber Marketing Group. He is on his way to becoming "old school".

December 2000:

Evil begins to collect industrial clothing and gas masks through various surplus suppliers on the internet. Evil wants them for sculpture and film props but nobody believes him. He is accused of having a hand in fetish culure or just plain being wierd. The wierdness is probably somewhat true, in a harmless way.

He then gets an aluminum-kevlar fire suit for Christmas from dad. This novelty is great for parties and has excellent potential as a general fashion accessory for live performances.

May 2001:

Evil Peacock acquires his mothers elderly Burmese cat. Unfortunately she has kidney problems. She's also extremely cute despite being capable of an meowing loud enough to startle just about anyone or anything. Being a tiny little runt she spends most of her time riding around on Evil's shoulder.

Sabra

May 2002

Eric begins production on two CDs after a two year hiatus from working on musical projects.

Being out of shape it's a slow warm-up to the compositional days of old. However slow, this new work is all completely based on new equipment that sounds oh so groovy compared to previous projects.

June 7, 2002

Kathy in the grass

September 21, 2002

Eric's cat Sabra is put to sleep when her kidneys start to fail. Sabra was roughly 17 in cat years and as cats go was a very unique and well-liked animal. Everyone misses her.

Sabra will be missed.

Unrelated but also slightly significant, Evil hits his four year mark at his job.

November, 2002

A routine physical reveals that Eric's blood pressure is at excessively high levels - we're talking 170 over 90. His cholesterol isn't so good either. In case you hadn't heard, together these two factors can cut the average human life span short. Eric is classified as "high risk" and spends the next six weeks adjusting his mental well-being, diet and exercise to reduce hypertension.

Only weeks after the death of Sabra, Eric gets a new special guest cat on loan from his sister who is on sabbatical. His name is Ariel and he behaves almost like a dog sometimes. Unfortunatley Ariel is highly neurotic and develops fatty liver lipidosis and has to have a nine inch tube surgically inserted into his stomach so that he can be manually fed a special mixture of lovely kitty-style digestibles three times a day.

This sucks. Do not try this at home.

Five or so weeks later in December, Ariel recovers and begins eating on his own again. It should be noted that Ariel is a he. Think Shakespeare, The Tempest.

With all due respect to the Chinese zodiac, 2002 has earned the title Year of the Cat.Eric, by Pete Hastings

Ariel & the author after the fatty liver lipidosis ordeal.

December 30, 2003

Eric turns 29 – next year at this time he is no longer to be trusted by anyone under 30.

January, 2003

Still running with higher than average blood pressure, Eric goes on medication for an indefinite time.

Eric's uncle dies of stroke after having a first stroke in 1997. Chaos works.

The added exercise and dietary care reduces blood pressure and as a nice little side effect dumps nearly twenty pounds. Cholesterol levels dip and level out at well below the acceptable norm.

Many of todays glorious workers talk about excess bloat from sitting all day at the job. In this case the bloat wasn't super bad to begin with, but it's prevention became necessary anyway. Public service announcement: stop bloat before it stops you. Or at least keep an eye on it. Educate!

September, 2003

Five years at the same job. Still feeling a lack of accomplishment and a shabby portfolio despite having produced countless work for countless clients. Pangs of mid-life crisis hit early.

December 30, 2003

Eric turns 30 - a huge event of enormous proportions by most cultural standards. As Eric hits his birthday, male pattern baldness escalates proving the irony of Eric's constant jokes about going bald.

OK, so it's not that bad. Yet. But mom's side of the family has bald ancestry all over it and so it is Eric's destiny to follow suite. It's a rite of passage. Or something.

Despite facing hair loss, the only spam Eric receives is for pyramid schemes, Nigerian investment scams and penile enlargement/enhancement. No miraculous baldness cures in site, just virility and getting rich quick. Despite being 30, all Eric's appendages seem to work plenty well, so there is obviously a serious misinformation problem with spammers.

May 2004

Eric moves from the cave-like apartment he's occupied since coming to Seattle to a larger much better lit unit two floors up. It's a nice change brought about by many things, most of which are the need for the management of the building to completely re-do the plumbing in the cave-like unit.

Moving sucks though, as Evil has to completely disconnect and then rewire his entire studio. Artists with gear really aren't cracked up for moving.

September 23, 2004

Six years at the same job. Not much has changed.

October 2004

After over a year and a half, Eric is removed from taking Lisinopril, a prescription medication that lowers blood pressure. For the record, it is possible to reverse one's health by eating right and exercising. So hop to it.

Eric's family takes his uncle's ashes and spreads them in the same place his grandfather's ashes are. Closure and a little bit of clarity.

November 2004

Eric returns to doing a large amount of paper collage after seveal years of doing it in trickles. Additionally he has been working on a great many video projects of his own, mostly music video, but that's OK as it's a good way to practice things and get ready for making larger movies.

Meanwhile George Bush the younger wins a second presidential term over Senator John Kerry in a close race. Right wingers gloat and Bush announces that his win is part of some "mandate". Many of the left-wing voters in the country get a big wake-up and proceed to opening claim that the other 52% of the country are "stupid" or "fucking stupid".

Evil feels really strange about the whole election, and hopes that the country can eventually overcome this huge division of it's people. In the meantime, things might get pretty rough.

May 2005

Eric moves into a new apartment overlooking downtown Seattle and all the stuff taked on with his girlfriend of approximately three years. Nice place lorded over by another Greener alumni, great view and so on.

It takes a few weeks to get most of the studio re-wired and then the art picks up again.

Summer 2006

Eric officially announces his eminent marriage to the stylish redhead that shares his apartment. A whole lotta planning commences and chunks of cash are thrown around to a photographer, jewelry designer, venue, etc. At least a few of Eric's friends are shocked while others simply say "I told you so".

The design I did for my wedding "save the date" post card.

...the struggle continues...

BACK TO ABOUT